I’m currently in my third trimester, about eight months along, and everything in my life feels like it’s been flipped upside down.
A few weeks ago, I discovered that my now ex-boyfriend had been carrying on a relationship with another woman. This was someone he repeatedly assured me was “just a friend” and nothing more. I trusted him. I shouldn’t have. It turns out he’d been seeing her not only before I got pregnant, but throughout my entire pregnancy, lying straight to my face about where he was and who he was with.
When I finally confronted him with proof, he admitted it. He claimed he was already “in the process” of ending things with her and asked me to give him time. I told him no. I didn’t sign up to be part of a situation where I had to compete with someone else while carrying his child. I removed myself from the relationship immediately.
As painful as the cheating itself was, what came next disturbed me even more.
During one of our many long, emotionally draining conversations, he confessed that this woman had strong feelings about my pregnancy. Not just opinions—feelings. He told me she was upset about the baby and had even expressed that she wanted to be present at the hospital when I give birth because she didn’t want him sharing such an intimate experience with me.
Let that sink in.
He said he shut the idea down, but knowing that they had discussed my pregnancy, my labor, and even our child behind my back made my stomach turn. The fact that she felt entitled to an opinion at all tells me everything I need to know.
At this point, I know that me stepping away means he will likely pursue a relationship with her openly. I can’t control that. What I can control is who has access to me and my child during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.
I told him that based on everything I now know—the secrecy, the betrayal, her hostility toward my pregnancy—I no longer feel comfortable having him in the delivery room. I don’t want her anywhere near the hospital. I don’t want updates passed along. I don’t want my labor, my medical information, or photos of my baby being shared with someone who clearly views my child as an inconvenience or threat.
He insists that even if she’s not physically there, she won’t interfere. But I don’t believe that. I fully expect constant texting, calling, and emotional distraction while I’m in labor. I don’t want that energy around me while I’m giving birth.
What makes this even harder is that throughout my pregnancy, he hasn’t been consistently supportive. At times he questioned paternity—something that was incredibly hurtful and completely unfounded. He admitted that these doubts came up in conversations with her. Conversations that never should have happened.
So now I’m struggling to understand why, suddenly, he’s so upset about missing the birth. He wasn’t protecting me. He wasn’t protecting our child. He allowed another woman to insert herself into something sacred, personal, and fragile.
And now I’m supposed to prioritize his feelings?
I believe childbirth should be a safe, peaceful space. I don’t want resentment, suspicion, or negativity surrounding me when I bring my baby into the world. I feel firm in my decision, but I’m also exhausted, emotional, and second-guessing myself.
Am I wrong for setting this boundary, even if it hurts him? Or am I doing what’s necessary to protect myself and my child?