My boyfriend tracking me with Life360 has made me feel monitored, anxious, and completely suffocated.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and for the last few months I’ve had this constant feeling in my chest that something just isn’t right. I kept telling myself it was stress, or my job, or that maybe I was just being avoidant — but the more I sit with it, the more I realize I feel trapped, not loved.
Early in our relationship, he suggested we share our locations. He framed it as a safety thing, like “what if one of us gets into an accident” or “it’s comforting knowing you’re okay.” At the time it didn’t feel like a red flag, so I agreed. Now it feels like I signed away my autonomy. Every time I leave my apartment, every time I clock out of work, every time I stop somewhere on the way home, my phone starts buzzing. He’ll call immediately and ask where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m with. If I don’t answer right away, he gets anxious and keeps calling.
We’re on the phone constantly. Not just quick check-ins — hours. Every evening, most weekends, sometimes literally just sitting there with the call open while he does his thing and I exist silently on the other end. He tells me it calms his anxiety, that he feels unsettled when we’re not connected. At first, I thought it was kind of sweet. Now it feels like I’m never allowed to unplug or be alone with my thoughts.
The conversations themselves are draining. He dominates them, talking nonstop about his interests, his day, his feelings. I’m exhausted from my job — I work maintenance at a hotel and it’s physically and mentally demanding — and when I finally get home, I just want quiet. Instead, I feel obligated to perform emotional availability until I’m completely worn down.
There’s also the distance issue. He lives about an hour away on a good day, longer with traffic, and he refuses to come to my place. So I’m expected to drive to him, usually early, and if I don’t get there “soon enough,” I get passive-aggressive comments or guilt trips. It feels like everything revolves around his comfort, his anxiety, his needs — and mine are slowly disappearing from the equation.
I’ve reached a point where I know I want out. I want space. I want evenings that belong to me. I want a relationship that doesn’t feel like surveillance mixed with obligation. But I don’t know how to actually do the breakup. He’s so used to constant access to me that the idea of pulling away feels like it’ll trigger panic, anger, or endless bargaining. I don’t want a dramatic blowup, but I also know I can’t keep shrinking myself to keep him calm.
I feel awful even thinking this way, but I also know I don’t want a future where my location, time, and emotional energy are monitored this closely. I want something simpler. Healthier. Closer — literally and emotionally.
Has anyone else dealt with a partner who uses “concern” or “anxiety” as a way to control access to you? How do you end something like this cleanly when the other person is so dependent on constant contact?