Hi, I’m 26F and getting married this spring to my 29M fiancé. Recently, one of his groomsmen unexpectedly backed out, and the reason caught us completely off guard.
He told us he would only participate if his partner (they’re engaged) could walk alongside him during the ceremony as a bridesmaid. Apparently, she believes it’s bad luck for an engaged couple to walk down an aisle separately before their own wedding.
The issue is that our ceremony setup isn’t traditional. The groomsmen will already be standing at the altar, while the bridesmaids will walk in separately. This plan has been in place for months, and this groomsman agreed to be part of the wedding over half a year ago—while he was already engaged. At no point was this superstition mentioned, and he was fully aware of the structure of our ceremony.
I had already finalized my bridal party early on, choosing people I have close relationships with—my sister, my best friend, and my future sisters-in-law. I only met his partner sometime last year, and while we’re friendly, we haven’t had enough time to build a deep bond.
A few months ago, she started making more of an effort to spend time with me, which initially felt nice. But during those hangouts, she frequently brought up helping with wedding plans or casually asked if I needed another bridesmaid. I always responded politely that my bridal party was set, though I appreciated her interest and suggestions.
I made sure she knew she’d still be included—she’d sit with her partner, attend the rehearsal dinner and bridal shower, and feel part of the celebration. I even offered her other ways to be involved, like helping guests or ushering.
Despite this, her partner decided to step down as a groomsman shortly before the fitting. It crushed my fiancé because this was someone he considered a close friend. Even so, my fiancé firmly believes we shouldn’t change our plans or add someone to the bridal party out of pressure. He feels the situation was unfair and manipulative.
I’m torn. I feel awful seeing my fiancé hurt, but I also feel strongly that our wedding shouldn’t be reshaped by someone else’s beliefs or expectations.
What would you do in this situation? Would you have made an exception and added her as a bridesmaid?
Update
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their thoughts—it really helped us see this situation more clearly.
After a lot of conversation, my fiancé and I both feel confident that we made the right decision by keeping our wedding party as planned. It’s disappointing that this wasn’t communicated honestly from the start, but ultimately this is our wedding, and we can’t adjust everything around someone else’s superstition.
We’ve decided to move forward without them in the wedding party. Whether that means adding another groomsman or having uneven numbers doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
I encouraged my fiancé to talk openly with his former groomsman about how hurtful the last-minute withdrawal was. We’re not sure yet if they’ll even attend the wedding, but at least this situation has clarified where boundaries and priorities lie.
Now we’re choosing to focus our energy on what truly matters—our marriage and celebrating the day together. Thank you again for all the thoughtful advice and support during what turned out to be a surprisingly emotional moment.