I never expected a married ex drunk messaged me situation to leave me feeling this conflicted.
Hey everyone, I’m still trying to process something that happened last night and could really use some outside perspective. I dated my ex for a few years, and we broke up about three years ago. It wasn’t a dramatic breakup, but it was final. We went completely no-contact afterward. A few months later, she got engaged, and about a year after that, she got married. I never reached out, never checked in, never tried to reopen that door. I had accepted that chapter of my life was over.
Until last night.Out of nowhere, I got a message that just said, “heyyy.” I honestly thought it was spam, so I replied asking who it was. She responded with her name and added that she was drunk. That alone made my stomach drop.
I asked why she was messaging me, and she replied with something like, “Am I not allowed to?” That set the tone for everything that followed—casual, dismissive, but clearly loaded. She started making small talk, asking how I was, what I’d been up to. It felt surreal, like stepping into a parallel universe where the last three years hadn’t happened. Then she said it: “I miss you.” After that, it escalated fast. She started bringing up old memories, inside jokes, trips we took together. Things I hadn’t thought about in years. I’ll admit, curiosity got the better of me at first. I wanted to understand why she was doing this. What she wanted. So I didn’t shut it down immediately, and yeah… hormones didn’t help. I engaged more than I should have for a short while.
But what she said next crossed a line. She told me that when her husband proposed, it should’ve been me. That she still keeps photos of us and looks at them. That when she’s with him, she sometimes imagines it’s me instead. Reading those messages made my chest feel tight. It wasn’t flattering—it was disturbing.I kept reminding her that she’s married. That she chose her life. That she seemed happy. She brushed it all off and kept pushing, trying to get me to say I missed her too. I never said it. I dodged the question every time.
Eventually, she said, “Goodnight x,” and told me she’d talk to me tomorrow like this was all completely normal. That’s when reality finally hit me. About half an hour later, I sent one final message. I told her this wasn’t okay. That I don’t know her husband, but what she was doing felt cruel and unfair to him. That I didn’t want to be involved in whatever issues she was clearly dealing with. I told her I was blocking her and that we shouldn’t have any more contact. And I did block her.
Since then, I’ve just felt… gross. Like I stepped into something I shouldn’t have, even briefly. I didn’t cheat. I didn’t meet her. I didn’t promise anything. But I still feel uncomfortable with how much I heard, how much I allowed myself to be pulled into it before stopping. Part of me feels bad for her husband, even though I don’t know him at all. Another part of me just wants to forget this ever happened and move on with my life like before.
Right now, my plan is to keep it to myself, stay no-contact, and hope she figures her own life out without dragging anyone else into it. But I can’t shake the weird, heavy feeling it left behind.
Any thoughts on how to mentally move on from something like this?