My husband (39M) and I (31F) have been together for almost a decade and married for five years.
Recently, my mother-in-law was visiting, so I reached out to my closest friend (35F) to make some plans. I suggested having a small game night at my place because I love board games and trivia, and I thought it would be an easy, fun way for everyone to spend time together. She agreed to hang out but said it would just be her — not her husband — and she wouldn’t be inviting any of her friends.
When I asked her why, she was honest with me.
She told me that her husband and several of her friends don’t feel comfortable around my husband. Apparently, at a Friendsgiving she hosted a while back, my husband made negative comments about her friends to her husband. After we left that night, multiple people mentioned how tense the atmosphere felt and how uncomfortable they were, and some even said they felt sorry for me.
One specific moment she brought up has been replaying in my head. During the party, I had asked my husband to join me in playing a game. He refused, which didn’t surprise me because he’s always thought games were childish and never wants to play with me. But from the outside, she said it looked awkward and sad — like he couldn’t do one small thing to make me happy, and people noticed how uncomfortable it felt.
Hearing this was painful, especially because my husband is usually outgoing and well-liked among his own friends. When he’s around people he doesn’t know well, he tends to withdraw, and I didn’t realize how his behavior might come across. My friend also said this wasn’t an isolated incident and that over the years she’s noticed him interrupting me or dismissing my opinions, but she didn’t feel it was her place to say anything before.
At home, disagreements often escalate quickly. If I push back, conversations tend to shut down, and it often feels like things have to go his way. We’ve been in couples counseling off and on, and we recently started again. I’m also in individual therapy.
I love my husband, and it hurts knowing that people I care about don’t want to be around him. I don’t know how to bring this up without him becoming defensive or telling me I shouldn’t spend time with my friend anymore.
EDIT:
Thank you to everyone who shared thoughtful and validating responses. I try to provide as much context as possible when posting, but some longer versions were removed, so I kept this one shorter.
I am in individual therapy, and I discussed this situation during my session today without referencing this post. My therapist independently echoed many of the same concerns raised here, and we talked through boundaries I plan to address in upcoming couples counseling sessions.
I still struggle with trusting my own perspective, even when it’s validated by others, but I truly appreciate the support. I’ll try to respond to specific questions later tonight.
Since the post has been locked and I can’t reply further, I want to clarify that the game night I suggested would have taken place while my husband had other plans. I intentionally chose that time. However, my friend still didn’t feel comfortable inviting her husband or friends in case his plans changed. My MIL is very easygoing, and our home has enough space for her to be comfortable on her own if needed.