The title pretty much sums it up.
I’ve been married to my wife for seven years. We have two young children, ages two and three. On Saturday night, my wife told me she was going out for drinks with her father. Instead, she ended up going home with a man she used to date years ago. She slept with him. I only found out today when one of her friends reached out to me and told me everything.
The timing couldn’t have been worse.
I found out while I was on my way to meet my wife for a rare dinner without the kids. I was terrified of reacting purely on emotion, so I sat across from her at dinner with this information burning inside me. While I was trying not to fall apart, she talked excitedly about our future — about removing her birth control tomorrow so we could start trying for a third baby, about how fulfilled she feels being home with our children, about how grateful she is for everything I do so she can focus on motherhood.
I felt physically sick listening to her. I wanted to throw up.
I’ve done my best not to let on that I know anything. If anything, she was more affectionate than usual tonight. Normally she’s distant and disengaged when she’s home, both with me and with the kids. According to her friend, my wife fully intends to keep this a secret forever. I was also told the sex wasn’t protected — information I didn’t want but stupidly allowed myself to hear. She’s apparently continued messaging him throughout the week.
The friend believes it was a one-time mistake, but also said my wife doesn’t seem to grasp how serious this is or what it means for our family.
I’m completely broken for my children. Their entire lives could be changed because of a decision they had no control over. I’m sitting on the couch at two in the morning, shaking, unable to sleep, replaying everything in my head and dreading what the next few days are going to look like.
Part of me is just venting, but I’m also desperate for advice.
When I first found out, divorce felt like the only option. There’s no misunderstanding here. I don’t know how I could ever trust her again after this.
At the same time, I still love her, and that complicates everything. I even feel a twisted sense of guilt for her. She comes from a deeply unstable background. Her mother left when she was young, and she doesn’t have reliable family support. If we split, I don’t know how she’d manage on her own, and I’m terrified of my daughters ending up in unsafe or chaotic environments because of her lack of options. The family she does have struggles heavily with addiction and dysfunction.
I know I’ll survive whichever path I take. That part I’m confident about.
What I don’t know is how to choose the path that protects my children the most and gives them the best possible future. Right now, everything feels unclear, and I’m completely lost.
Any advice would mean more than you know.